As I am writing this, my mind is zipping through the ten billion things I need to get done, Right Fucking Now. I am sure you all feel the same. November, is the month you have to seriously push through. Between family get togethers, finals week, traveling, and work, it gets seriously fucking stressful. I am stressed! It feels like you have so much on your plate that you’re barely juggling and one curveball, one fight, one lost day, and you lose it. You snap. No joke, guys. I snapped like yesterday. I have a whirlwind of just shittyness right now with essays, and presentations,and work. My boyfriend, whom I love dearly and is so reliable, in a metaphorical way was that straw that broke my back. He screwed up. He wasn’t listening to me, and in any other time, I would have worked through it. But not this time. I was READY to throw in the towel. I was walking out that door. Not considering that i’ve spent five years working on this relationship and that past me would have laughed at this “huge problem” between us that was really quite miniature.
So last night I had a conversation with myself. a conversation, that if you too feel the same, need to have! I told myself to clear the bullshit. Visualize all that mucky cloudiness that is following me to just dissolve away. Because it is not important! Your grades, your homework, that presentation, is really not important in the realm of things. Once you let that go, a wave of sweet sweet relief takes over you, and already your mind is clearer. Although, I felt better, it wasn’t enough and that’s when I decided to sort of meditate. Not sitting cross-legged in my backyard but jut laying down in my bed with my eyes closed. And I thought about every thing I have in my life that I value. my boyfriend, my family, my job security, my success in school. And I reminded myself why I value them, and my gratitude for those things. I seriously almost started to cry. and I said to myself ” this does not fucking matter. Nothing matters but these things”.
It felt like i was released from imprisonment. I felt like Braveheart, wanting to scream “FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
I am a new person today. all it took was a little self-realization.
So take a god damn minute, to slow the fuck down, and tell yourself that it doesn’t matter. Because it seriously doesn’t!